Ruotsalaisvitsi - Swede-joke


An example of Swede-mocking jokes told in Finland:

A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian were stranded on a deserted island. There lived a tribe of aboriginals, and their chief told everyone to pick three fruits for him. The Norwegian picked three apples and took them to the chief.

-Stuck them all in your ass, and if you make a sound, we will kill you, the chief said. The Norwegian whined during the second apple, and he was killed.

Then came the Finn with three beans, and he was given the same terms. The Finn burst to laughter during the second bean, and he was killed.

In heaven the Norwegian asked the Finn:

-Why did you laugh? Your task was so easy, you could have survived! Why did you make a sound?

The Finn answered: -Well, because I saw the Swede picking watermelons! 

—- Anonymous fan submission

I heard it was pineapples instead of melons but still……  Our national envy towards the Swedes just shines through doesn’t it. Sorry Swedish people!


A list of Finnish words that tell you something about Finnish culture




- Kekkuloida = to prance around or just hang out naked (yes, the word includes the presumption that you are naked)

- Örveltää = to be really drunk and do whatever you do when you’re really drunk, like crawling in a ditch somewhere on all fours

- Perskärpänen (literally “ass fly”) = a person who keeps following you without you wanting them to

- Röhnöttää = to sit with a bad posture or lie around because you are bored, lazy, or tired 

- Paskahalvaus (literally “shit paralysis”) = the state of being really fucking scared or startled

- Änkyrä = a person who’s very reluctant to change their own, usually backwards and bigoted views

- Änkyröidä = a verb derived from the previous noun

- Raivoraitis (literally “rage sober”) = a person who never drinks alcohol and might be very passionate about it

- Yrmy = a person who’s always grumpy or angry

- Perskannikka (literally “ass end-of-a-loaf-of-bread”) = a slang word for “buttock”

- Vongata = repeatedly and annoyingly ask for sex from someone who’s not interested (i.e. to be a Nice Guy)

- Könsikäs = a big, handsome, masculine man

- Puliukko = a man who spends most of his time wandering about drunk, smells bad, and might be homeless

Feel free to add to the list. :D

- Häntäheikki (Heikki (a man) with a tail) = a man who fucks a lot of different women (and it’s bad)

- Kusisukka (piss sock) = someone who’s so scared that they have pee in their socks

- Jänishousu (rabbit pants) = a scared person too

- Pissis, devired from Pissa Liisa (piss Lisa) = young woman, from teenagers to twenties, who is so drunk they piss in bushes in public

- Kyylätä = to stare someone, maybe continuoysly

- Hukassa (in wolf) = something is lost in somewhere.

- Hepuli, Hepuloida = to have a nervous fit, like when you are waiting to hear news of something important and you cannot keep the feelings it causes inside of yourself

- Piehtaroida = to roll on ground. but if you say Piehtaroida Heinissä, to roll on hays, you are actually meaning that someone is having sex (in hay. you can leave it out too and just say piehtaroida).

- Hosua = to be clumsy and to make mistakes in moments when you need to be quick, or try to be quick

- Vastarannankiiski, vastarannan kiiski (a ruffe of the opposite side of the sea) = person who argues (negatively) about everything, think differently than rest of the people (like you need to go to the left and they’re all ‘no i say we go to the right just because’)

- Matti kukkarossa (to have a Matti (mattheus??) in the wallet) = you have little to nothing in your wallet

- Kepulipeli (kepuli game) = someone isn’t playing with the rules, are cheating

- Pilipali = a thing can be pilipali, when it gets broken easily (when it shouldn’t), is cheap, is pirated and nonauthentic

- Morso = the death of the children and their dreams; raiser of all demons from hell; the one you shouldn’t mess with it; the one you don’t want to see angry; the soulless one; the friend of the dunce; the friend of the cat; the satanic doll of nightmares

- Möllöttää = to stare for a long time (rudely) or hang around doing nothing

- Rutjake = a lazy fat person who lies around doing nothing, usually a man

- Pöhnä = being drunk or very tired

- Hutikka = humala. Drunk.

- Perssilmä = asshole, (ass-eye???) can be used as an insult or when talking about, you know, assholes.

- Pyöriä kuin puolukka pillussa = (twirl around like a lingonberry in a pussy) run around disturbing other people with your shit and being useless

- Häseltää = run around being useless and making a fuss








This was recorded by the Portsmouth Sinfonia in an experiment where all the members of the orchestra would swap instruments with each other and attempt to play them to the best of their ability.

favorite things about this

  • literally all the brass starts to get the hang of it and then the crescendos happen and everyone is like FUCK FUCK FUCK??? FUCK. JUST. BLOW RLY HARD.
  • the strings are lazy but also the same. like u can tell a lot of the ppl w/ the stringed instruments may already basically know how to play stringed instruments. like there’s definitely a section at the beginning where you hear a good portion going “oh yeah this is like. a smaller/bigger version of what i do.”
  • all you hear of any woodwinds is just “pffffttt??? pFFFTTTT???? PFFFFFTTTT I SAID PFFFFTTTT!!!!!” bc woodwinds are fucking HARD and you hear after like the first crescendo half of them just give up. they give up. they’re done. fuck this it tastes weird and my lips hurt.
  • that trumpet. that person is fucking TRYING man they fucking GOT this. they may not have figured out notes but they figured out LOUD and they GOT this.